I spend some parts of every day thinking about topics or themes for my blog posts. Thanks in large part to my leaky middle-aged brain, however, I have frequently lost the ideas before they make it onto the computer screen. One day recently, for instance, I had a really good idea thought through the night before which was gone by the time I woke up. The cool idea I thought of on my way to church and the one I thought of during the sermon were gone by mid-afternoon, and I have a tenuous grasp on the idea I thought of that evening. That, by the way, was for a series on character and I only remember that because I put it in a draft for this post.
I’m sure I had a better memory when I was younger, which stands to reason as our brains only continue to make connections and coat them with myelin until around the age of twenty. My real issue is that when I am talking with people and or teaching I frequently start a sentence and either can not find a word I need, or lose complete track of where the sentence was going. My friends tell me that this goes along with perimenopause and is totally normal and I am not losing my mind. While this may be the case, I don’t have to like it!
As a teacher and a communicator it is definitely a liability knowing that in the middle of any sentence I might end up stalled or go off the rails completely. If I was more concerned with not looking silly, I suppose I would become more nervous about my job. It made me think about Moses. When Moses was first told by God that he would be going back to Egypt to speak with Pharaoh on behalf of his people he was worried that people wouldn’t listen to him or take him seriously.
But Moses pleaded with the LORD, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” (Exodus 4:10) Even after God reassured him that just as he had given him a mouth, he would give him the words, Moses still asked that someone else be sent.
God was angry that Moses was still not trusting. In the end he sends Aaron, “16He indeed shall speak for you to the people; he shall serve as a mouth for you, and you shall serve as God for him.” Regardless of my reduced attention span, focus, and apparently vocabulary, I will continue to teach and speak publicly. I may not have the words on my tongue when I want them, but I will have them when I need them.
Things worked out for Moses and Aaron, not without hard work and God’s help. One assumes that they would also have worked out if Moses had just agreed and headed off as God first asked him to. I hope that my brain lapses will some day go away and I will return to ‘normal’ but in the meantime I’m doing alright and I know I am not alone.
thanks for the photo goes to – http://www.flickr.com/photos/blatantnews/4013906048/